I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
