I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
