I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize