Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
