I think my vagina is haunted
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
