I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
