That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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