Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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