Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
