Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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