I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
me + whiskey = a bad person
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