I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
