You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
