Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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