dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize