I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
