I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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