Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
