i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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