we have pet lesbian snakes
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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