remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
