It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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