we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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