We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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