Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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