so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
