He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
