So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
