I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
