you guys were way drunker than both of me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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