You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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