I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize