I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
