He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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