woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We got so high we made milksteak
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
