so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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