my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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