Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
