what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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