You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
