u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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