Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
