so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
