Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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