It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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