everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize