Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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