Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
