you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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