i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize