i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you traded sex for a burrito?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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