Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Randomize
