Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
