Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
