don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
