what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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