I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
