fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
