alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
