Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The feeling are messing with the penis
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
