singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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