I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
