Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
