That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
