were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
