Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
