i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
