Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I stole a fireplace last night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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