I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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