dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
