: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
