What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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