I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
