i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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