she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
