How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
