Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
