Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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